The First Date

Dating should be fun, a chance to get to know each other better and gel as friends. Naturally it’s mostly a tense occasion for most people during the First Date. People tend to want to portray personalities other than themselves when they first meet new friends. This is a major mistake that ought to be avoided at all times. Remember ‘you can never be better than yourself’! Always be yourself and you’ll always come out shinning, because making an effort to please someone you barely know by trying to be somebody that you are not will eventually bring your downfall and shame! Do not go on a first date with the aim of ‘winning over’ the other person. This is not a contest nor is it a test for courage and audacity. You go out there with the aim of creating the right environment for acceptability as a friend and create the opportunity of having consequent ‘Dates’ and a lasting impression. First and foremost, you ought to be well groomed and dress appropriately. No fancy fashion or clothes that leave parts of your body that should be ‘out of sight’, revealed! Be a good listener and talk intelligently. People are naturally inclined to be very selective with their answers especially on a first Date. Always find a way of responding to queries about your personal life in a polite and straightforward manner. You should avoid being brash and trying to sound like you are meandering in your responses. You should just be honest and either give reason for not wanting to talk about a particular issue as at that point or just say you wouldn’t want to discuss that particular issue and tactfully change the subject. People will most likely understand when you are not comfortable with a certain situation and won’t want you to talk about something that you seem not ready to talk about. This is your first date and you wouldn’t want to spoil it with unnecessary issues that can be discussed in later dates as you get to know each other even better and the relationship seem to be moving to a ‘next level’. It’s important that you sit straight up and look at your ‘Date’ when speaking or being spoken to. You need to show confidence and relax in order to have a ‘tension free conversation’. Get to know the basics of each other’s background. Names, family, education, occupation, hobbies and interests, likes and dislikes, but above all make the date fun and enjoyable by engaging in meaningful conversations and avoid having an ‘interview session’. During the first date, by all means avoid a situation whereby you find your selves arguing because of differences of opinion in matters of say, politics. Matters touching on intimacy should be ‘no talk subjects’ on the first date. Always choose a neutral public place and never,  repeat never, kiss on the first date no matter how attracted you may feel to each other! A firm handshake/ ‘light hug’ are okay as welcome /goodbye gestures. At the end of the date be sure to let the other person know whether you can meet again or not. If you do not fancy another date, no need to explain why!http://bibliologics.blogspot.com

The Knot

For better, for worse! Part of the marriage vow that couples take when tying the KNOT. Ordinarily, some people would want to take these simple words as mere statements and a formality in a marriage ceremony. What couples should always keep in mind is the fact that they are not signing on to a temporary contract of whatever sort, but are in fact TYING the KNOT! A knot is supposed to be stable, binding, long-term, durable, firm and steadfast! It’s unlike a long tough rope wound around a huge, uneven body, which however heavy it may be can still be unwound and taken off whatever body that it had encircled! This means that before two (or more) people decide that they want to get married, they need to understand one fundamental aspect of marriage. Marriage is not a game! It’s not a challenge where you get in just for the fun of it, hoping to win and if you lose or don’t seem to have a chance of winning, you can as well decide to throw in the towel, getup, get out, move on!

Marriage entails sacrifice and commitment, understanding and compromise. You must be ready and willing to sacrifice your personal happiness and committing to make that your top priority for the stability of marriage. Two totally different human beings coming together in a long term goal of accomplishing a mutual mission must be capable of being ready and willing to be understood and (yes!) misunderstood for who they actual are! They must equally be ready and willing to make compromises in their life long relationship in order to actualize the chances of a life-long survival of their marriage. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, abilities and disabilities, Nightmares and DREAMS! For marriage to be stable, couples have to learn to tolerate one another while at the same time giving each other enough space to grow individually and also always give room for dialog. Communication in a marriage situation is a give and take act. Marriage in dictatorship will always bear mistrust, corrode confidentiality and breed hatred! How can any meaningful relationship survive and prosper when people can no longer afford to be open and transparent with each other? As they say, “marriage is not a bed of roses”. Well, even if it were; of course roses have thorns! (Before you get your pick of roses, someone would have gotten pricked…….!)

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Friendship With Borders!

Friends forever!  A simple yet very powerful statement!  Most people are often expressing their friendships in the most profound of manners. There are the extremes who go to the length of proclaiming their readiness to die for the sake of friendship! It’s really healthy and a good thing to have friends. Especially those who are always ready to stand by you, come rain, come sun. One major concern of friendship that seems to escape most people is the fact that there are always limits to whatever we do. Even friendships need to have discernible ‘borders’. Whatever one may hope or wish for in life, Family (Biological, Adopted…) is always paramount because it’s the nucleus of all other human interpersonal relationships. We (all) have friends, genuine or otherwise. We have the choice of having or not having friends, who to have as friends, how close the friendship, but can we really live comfortably without family and/or friends? Whether we like them or not? Forging friendships should be a careful undertaking bearing in mind that it’s tantamount to taking a dive into the deep water s of the oceans. You never know the kind of dangers lurking beneath those murky waters. There are electric eels and hungry bull sharks ready to make a feast of you! If you are not alert, friends may only be there to take advantage of you! As much as we need friends, we should always have or put into place measures that define the ‘boundaries of amity’. Not all friends should be privy to your most intimate moments/liaisons. In fact one cannot and should not have a multitude of friends as confidantes! Remember your secrets can only be well kept by you and only you! Once shared a secret is only but ‘an open secret’, open to anyone else lucky enough to be ‘within the hearing range’ so to speak! Of course those within the hearing range are your friends and friends of your friends, ‘the network of amity’! (And of course the “coincidental bystanders “!)

It’s said that ‘birds of a feather, flock together’ but don’t you elect to ‘flock’ just so as you may ‘belong’! Choose your friends wisely. Sift them, grade them, put them in suspension or delete them altogether from your silo of friends. Better to have one strong and dedicated friend than have a ‘crowd’ of friends who will easily run away and evaporate the moment trouble rears its head amidst their pomposity of friendship that is only guided in the assurance of their 'comfortability'!

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LOVE YOURSELF !

Human beings are emotional beings! We are born with feelings for one another; positive or negative. No man is an island. We are dependent on each other in one way or the other. The feelings of wanting to be attached to  someone is fundamental in all aspects of  human everyday interactions. Love is a mysterious thing that can be quite baffling to the naïve uninitiated person. No one can really explain why for example a mother will love her own baby so much to the detriment of the relationship between her and the man who played a part in bringing forth the baby; her lover/husband. Not withstanding any negative issues prior to the pregnancy, this alienation of father from mother does seem a normal occurrence though rare. The ability to love and feel loved is likewise mysterious, such that there are people who find it had to express their feelings towards others, while also being unable to accept/reciprocate an act of love. One thing is for sure, natural as it is, love can be a rather slippery and flitting feeling. Above all else we have to learn how to relate with our own selves before we can get to satisfactorily connect emotionally with any one else. As we grow older it becomes obvious that even though we are naturally wired with the appropriate emotional switches and fuses, it reaches a point in our life when we finally realize that not all human beings are wired in the same way. Single phase, double phase,.......we are different in the same way !! The good news is that all this wiring is adaptable and can be downgraded/upgraded as the need may arise. Simply put no one is hard wired not to respond to the natural emotional glow emanating from other human beings. The only exception is in cases of extreme psychological tensions/mental disturbances. Any normal human being has that natural ability to love and need to be loved. What is lacking in most cases is the will and courage to learn to appreciate one self as one is, because it is from this self love that we are then openly welcome to the idea that people may not like/love us as we may have expected or presumed. This naturally cushions us from the shock of rejection even when it comes from persons so dear to us. We learn how to live with it and life goes on !

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